Jeanette/ from April '20, updated Jan 2021
I hardly know where to begin to talk about whatever it is that has happened between Jeanette and me. I can describe, tell about what is going on now between us, but like with many things I have to believe that there is something deeper to it. That it isn't something just out of the blue as it appears.
Poor Riley has called me twice begging me to apologize to his mother so everything can "go back to normal". Both times I have told him that I would be happy to apologize if I had any clue what to apologize For. No One seems able to tell me What to apologize for. Was it for repeating what she told me about wanting to give the kids to Rob?? Was that a secret?? Or, a little darker, is she saying she never said it and I'm supposed to apologize for making it up?
I really, really wish I knew even though I suppose it no longer matters.
I have just been sitting here for about a half hour trying to think of a word or phrase that would describe what has happened between us and can't find anything. I know that every word she says about me expresses hatred that I never have experienced from anyone in my life, a hatred that I didn't even know existed in this world. One of the oddest things about it to me is how many lies she has told to explain her reasons for hating me, as if her hatred is so deep that she can't express it with any truth.
Jeanette hasn't said one single word directly to me about any of this. Instead she has chosen to use Facebook as her platform to announce to the world the way she feels, like it is so huge inside of her that she has to shout it. The first thing she did was to block me from her Facebook so I couldn't comment on any of it even if I wanted to, which I didn't. When this began I decided to just keep quiet and let whatever was angry in her pass over. but then after it continued for a couple of weeks I did begin a website that I titled Jeanette Belk and Rhoda Laughary the Truth where I simply posted the texts between us during the time in question that proved that I was never hiding her daughter from her, that I told her that I called Jenise's father to pick her up and take her home with him and even asked if that was ok with her. I also posted previous texts, where Jeanette asked me to please take Jenise for a while, and then when she was angry at Jenise, telling me to keep her if I found her. Also, there were messages between us with me offering to take all of the kids for a while because all of the texts I was receiving from Jeanette for a long time were about how ill she was and how no doctors were taking her seriously or helping her.
The snowball started when Jenise called me and said that she had a ring stuck on her finger and that it was swelling. She said she had tried all of my suggestions i.e. soapy water, oil, etc. and that nothing had worked. I told Jenise that she had to get to an ER and have the ring cut off. I called Jeanette and told her and she was immediately angry. I think her initial anger was that Jenise had called me first for help. That is not unusual for my grandchildren, they have all spent a great amount of time in my care and they've seen a lot of family and friends turn to me in emergencies. (Like many ALANON members I do well in emergencies and fall apart later 🙄)
I had been picking Riley up from school on most days since Jeanette got him enrolled in Adam's Elementary and after the ring incident I did briefly bring all of Jeanettes kids here as planned and took them all to and from school. After just a few days Jeanette got the boys from my house but I still took Robby to and from school since his school isnt far from Jenise's and I thought we were proceeding with the Give Jeanette A Break plan. Jenise mostly stayed with her father from the Ring Incident on. She adamantly did not want to return to living with her mother and boyfriend.
I'm going to back up a little here. Twice in the last year Jeanette has spoken to me about giving Rob custody of all of the kids. The last time I even asked her how she would live where she does etc without the child support Rob pays and she said that she would be fine, that she would even be in a position to pay Him child support. The first time we talked about it it was presented as an idea David expressed, letting/making Rob deal with the teen years of the kids. She wanted to experience being the "fun" parent who stepped on for weekends and special occasions. I didnt take that conversation seriously. But the second time, when even the child support was discussed, I started taking her seriously. Not only that, Robby and Jenise were always saying how very unhappy they were living with David. Riley never said so much but he called me the most often wanting to come over. I told the kids that I would get them weekends whenever i could but not long after we started having transportation problems so i wasnt able to get them as often as I had told them I would.
The kids were seeing their father as often as they could during this time, too. And he was hearing the same things that I was about them being unhappy. Rob and I weren't close, hadn't been since the divorce, but he asked me what I thought about what the kids were saying, even asked if I thought he should confront Jeanette and David about any of it. I said absolutely Not, that it would just cause more problems especially if he and David argued or something.
I seldom visited Jeanette at her home. We were all so uncomfortable around David that we just stopped going. I was very ill on Thanksgiving at her house and I fell asleep on the couch. While I was asleep David said something that was so upsetting that Jeremy woke me to go home. I didn't hear it and won't even try to quote it here, but Jeremy and all kids within earshot said exactly the same thing so I didn't doubt it. I don't know if it was then or another visit but I was there once when Robby asked Jeanette if he could go live with his father. She said sure and gave me the wickedness grin knowing that Rob would have to say No because of his current living situation. Jeanette had commented and complained many times about Rob saying his place was too small for all the kids and he was worried that only Tiffany, Jet, and he were on the lease. She would say what a terrible father he was to have a place too small to accommodate his own children. I would always avoid comment on this. There was definitely no love lost between Rob and me from a feud 6 years ago but I privately wondered what more he could afford paying her over 600 a month in child support. Back to Robbys request. Rob explained why he couldnt do it at that time and Robby was just crushed. I was just stunned that Jeanette would let that play out Knowing how much it would hurt Robby for what looked like her own pleasure to make Rob look like an ass to his son. The next time I was alone with Robby I brought it up to try to make sure he understood that it had nothing to do with his father wanting or loving him. I thought at the time that Jeanette was cruel to let Rpbby go through that, that she should have just said No to spare Robby what he would be sure to take as rejection. Before she met David I might have spoken up but it had quickly become clear that his was the only opinion that had mattered to her about anything since they got together. We have all experienced hearing David say something improper or degrading to or about one of us and looked to see Jeanette's opinion on it only to find her smiling at him like he was a God.
Last Christmas Jeanette called and told me that she was sending the kids to Rob for Christmas break because she couldnt afford to give them a Christmas and that Tiffany had said that they could and would. I understood that to mean that Jeanette was not only fine with the kids being with Rob but that she was likely still considering giving him custody. I had no clue that she felt hateful about him at all until she posted something on Facebook about him being a Dead Beat dad and then texted me, asking if I had seen how she had managed to piss off Tiffany, it sounded oddly like she was gloating about that, which struck me very odd after just having the kids spend Christmas there. This text ended up part of the website of texts I posted because oddly it came right in the middle of it all.
I was careful of anything I actually wrote on the new FB page. I had no need or desire to put her down or degrade her in any way. Even though the texts that I published clearly showed that most of what she was writing was incorrect, I still wanted to believe that it was all a misunderstanding. I put links to the site to make it easier for Jeanette herself to see it and maybe rereading the messages she might see that I had not done or said the things she was saying that I did.
A little note here, in the last few texts between us she is upset that I am not responding fast or thoroughly enough. In two different texts I explain to her that I have been having to spend two days at the hospital. She never even asks, doesnt care at all Why.
I will mention here Why. I have Emphysema and had recently found out that there are two bleeding ulcers in my stomach. I was undergoing extensive tests to determine my life expectancy. According to them, I don't have long. Of course I consulted with my brother, Mike, about how to extend my life, but I also started making contact with family and friends, not to tell them that I'm ill, but just to make sure they know that I love them even though I am the worst about keeping in touch with them. Overall, it has been a very positive experience. I've grown closer to my few cousins that I know and began talking regularly with them and old, close friends. BUT there was one contact attempt that was just horrifying. I haven't kept in touch with my oldest granddaughter Lindsey for several years. For several years before I broke contact, every time she called or messaged it ended with her asking for money. I knew she had a bad drug problem and had lost custody of her daughter because of it. Those of us who loved her would discuss how to help her without aiding her drug problem, things like sending cards for food places etc. The last time I had talked to her we were having our own problems, Jazz was in the hospital, my car had broken down, etc etc and there was no way we could help anyone. She interrupted me during my explanation saying, "so you're not going to help me?" and I was just done. I talked to those who kept in touch with her and watched her Facebook but I stopped being a player in her life. She would occasionally message me a phone number and say she would really like to have contact again. I had answered one of those messages a few weeks before I went to the hospital saying that I would call her soon. She was on my list of people to reconnect with after I got my test results. And OMG she just blasted me!!! Said I was only reaching out because I needed people "on my side" in the war with Jeanette. Not that I needed anyone in that way, but if I did, why would I recruit someone who no one believes a word they say??? I didn't bother telling her anything. That's just an example of how ridiculous this whole thing has become.
I wouldn't be writing this at all, I actually thought I was done with it when I posted the actual texts. I expected it to go away, especially with the world crisis we are all now living in with COVID. Then last week someone called me and started reading to me the continued hatred being spewed at me online. I had to stop her, it felt like it was crushing my very soul. Yes, I feel anger when I hear it, especially the outright lies. But she is still able to crush my heart, too and she is.
When I was awarded my disability Jeanette had a private talk with the judge and made herself my Payee, told him I would likely spend all of my settlement trying to save her hopeless, heroin addict, sister, Jami. That's what she told me about it. There was likely much more said. I didnt bother to fight it at the time. I was just glad to finally have won my disability case. She never really controlled my money. It went into a special account she had to set up for it. It gave me absolutely No Access to her money, I state that here to refute recent accusations, but it gave her free access to my money.
When I finally had her removed as payee last month I called OPPD and Mutual of Omaha, the only companies who directly withdrew their payments every month and gave them my new banking information. Both companies believed that I had made the calls in time to stop them from going through her account for me. When I checked at the first of the month I found out that one of them Had taken the money from her account. I knew she checked on what she calls the "Hate Site" I started about this mess so i left a post there describing what had happened and that i would give her the money if she needed it or we could just leave it as a repayment for all the money i have given and loaned her over the years. Mostly i just gave her money, like when i paid her rent or she said she needed things for the kids. The Only Time I stressed that money was a loan was one of the last times I paid her Wirt house rent. I told her then that the money I gave her was actually Kira's and that I needed it back as soon as possible.
I have just been sitting here for about a half hour trying to think of a word or phrase that would describe what has happened between us and can't find anything. I know that every word she says about me expresses hatred that I never have experienced from anyone in my life, a hatred that I didn't even know existed in this world. One of the oddest things about it to me is how many lies she has told to explain her reasons for hating me, as if her hatred is so deep that she can't express it with any truth.
Jeanette hasn't said one single word directly to me about any of this. Instead she has chosen to use Facebook as her platform to announce to the world the way she feels, like it is so huge inside of her that she has to shout it. The first thing she did was to block me from her Facebook so I couldn't comment on any of it even if I wanted to, which I didn't. When this began I decided to just keep quiet and let whatever was angry in her pass over. but then after it continued for a couple of weeks I did begin a website that I titled Jeanette Belk and Rhoda Laughary the Truth where I simply posted the texts between us during the time in question that proved that I was never hiding her daughter from her, that I told her that I called Jenise's father to pick her up and take her home with him and even asked if that was ok with her. I also posted previous texts, where Jeanette asked me to please take Jenise for a while, and then when she was angry at Jenise, telling me to keep her if I found her. Also, there were messages between us with me offering to take all of the kids for a while because all of the texts I was receiving from Jeanette for a long time were about how ill she was and how no doctors were taking her seriously or helping her.
The snowball started when Jenise called me and said that she had a ring stuck on her finger and that it was swelling. She said she had tried all of my suggestions i.e. soapy water, oil, etc. and that nothing had worked. I told Jenise that she had to get to an ER and have the ring cut off. I called Jeanette and told her and she was immediately angry. I think her initial anger was that Jenise had called me first for help. That is not unusual for my grandchildren, they have all spent a great amount of time in my care and they've seen a lot of family and friends turn to me in emergencies. (Like many ALANON members I do well in emergencies and fall apart later 🙄)
I had been picking Riley up from school on most days since Jeanette got him enrolled in Adam's Elementary and after the ring incident I did briefly bring all of Jeanettes kids here as planned and took them all to and from school. After just a few days Jeanette got the boys from my house but I still took Robby to and from school since his school isnt far from Jenise's and I thought we were proceeding with the Give Jeanette A Break plan. Jenise mostly stayed with her father from the Ring Incident on. She adamantly did not want to return to living with her mother and boyfriend.
I'm going to back up a little here. Twice in the last year Jeanette has spoken to me about giving Rob custody of all of the kids. The last time I even asked her how she would live where she does etc without the child support Rob pays and she said that she would be fine, that she would even be in a position to pay Him child support. The first time we talked about it it was presented as an idea David expressed, letting/making Rob deal with the teen years of the kids. She wanted to experience being the "fun" parent who stepped on for weekends and special occasions. I didnt take that conversation seriously. But the second time, when even the child support was discussed, I started taking her seriously. Not only that, Robby and Jenise were always saying how very unhappy they were living with David. Riley never said so much but he called me the most often wanting to come over. I told the kids that I would get them weekends whenever i could but not long after we started having transportation problems so i wasnt able to get them as often as I had told them I would.
The kids were seeing their father as often as they could during this time, too. And he was hearing the same things that I was about them being unhappy. Rob and I weren't close, hadn't been since the divorce, but he asked me what I thought about what the kids were saying, even asked if I thought he should confront Jeanette and David about any of it. I said absolutely Not, that it would just cause more problems especially if he and David argued or something.
I seldom visited Jeanette at her home. We were all so uncomfortable around David that we just stopped going. I was very ill on Thanksgiving at her house and I fell asleep on the couch. While I was asleep David said something that was so upsetting that Jeremy woke me to go home. I didn't hear it and won't even try to quote it here, but Jeremy and all kids within earshot said exactly the same thing so I didn't doubt it. I don't know if it was then or another visit but I was there once when Robby asked Jeanette if he could go live with his father. She said sure and gave me the wickedness grin knowing that Rob would have to say No because of his current living situation. Jeanette had commented and complained many times about Rob saying his place was too small for all the kids and he was worried that only Tiffany, Jet, and he were on the lease. She would say what a terrible father he was to have a place too small to accommodate his own children. I would always avoid comment on this. There was definitely no love lost between Rob and me from a feud 6 years ago but I privately wondered what more he could afford paying her over 600 a month in child support. Back to Robbys request. Rob explained why he couldnt do it at that time and Robby was just crushed. I was just stunned that Jeanette would let that play out Knowing how much it would hurt Robby for what looked like her own pleasure to make Rob look like an ass to his son. The next time I was alone with Robby I brought it up to try to make sure he understood that it had nothing to do with his father wanting or loving him. I thought at the time that Jeanette was cruel to let Rpbby go through that, that she should have just said No to spare Robby what he would be sure to take as rejection. Before she met David I might have spoken up but it had quickly become clear that his was the only opinion that had mattered to her about anything since they got together. We have all experienced hearing David say something improper or degrading to or about one of us and looked to see Jeanette's opinion on it only to find her smiling at him like he was a God.
Last Christmas Jeanette called and told me that she was sending the kids to Rob for Christmas break because she couldnt afford to give them a Christmas and that Tiffany had said that they could and would. I understood that to mean that Jeanette was not only fine with the kids being with Rob but that she was likely still considering giving him custody. I had no clue that she felt hateful about him at all until she posted something on Facebook about him being a Dead Beat dad and then texted me, asking if I had seen how she had managed to piss off Tiffany, it sounded oddly like she was gloating about that, which struck me very odd after just having the kids spend Christmas there. This text ended up part of the website of texts I posted because oddly it came right in the middle of it all.
I was careful of anything I actually wrote on the new FB page. I had no need or desire to put her down or degrade her in any way. Even though the texts that I published clearly showed that most of what she was writing was incorrect, I still wanted to believe that it was all a misunderstanding. I put links to the site to make it easier for Jeanette herself to see it and maybe rereading the messages she might see that I had not done or said the things she was saying that I did.
A little note here, in the last few texts between us she is upset that I am not responding fast or thoroughly enough. In two different texts I explain to her that I have been having to spend two days at the hospital. She never even asks, doesnt care at all Why.
I will mention here Why. I have Emphysema and had recently found out that there are two bleeding ulcers in my stomach. I was undergoing extensive tests to determine my life expectancy. According to them, I don't have long. Of course I consulted with my brother, Mike, about how to extend my life, but I also started making contact with family and friends, not to tell them that I'm ill, but just to make sure they know that I love them even though I am the worst about keeping in touch with them. Overall, it has been a very positive experience. I've grown closer to my few cousins that I know and began talking regularly with them and old, close friends. BUT there was one contact attempt that was just horrifying. I haven't kept in touch with my oldest granddaughter Lindsey for several years. For several years before I broke contact, every time she called or messaged it ended with her asking for money. I knew she had a bad drug problem and had lost custody of her daughter because of it. Those of us who loved her would discuss how to help her without aiding her drug problem, things like sending cards for food places etc. The last time I had talked to her we were having our own problems, Jazz was in the hospital, my car had broken down, etc etc and there was no way we could help anyone. She interrupted me during my explanation saying, "so you're not going to help me?" and I was just done. I talked to those who kept in touch with her and watched her Facebook but I stopped being a player in her life. She would occasionally message me a phone number and say she would really like to have contact again. I had answered one of those messages a few weeks before I went to the hospital saying that I would call her soon. She was on my list of people to reconnect with after I got my test results. And OMG she just blasted me!!! Said I was only reaching out because I needed people "on my side" in the war with Jeanette. Not that I needed anyone in that way, but if I did, why would I recruit someone who no one believes a word they say??? I didn't bother telling her anything. That's just an example of how ridiculous this whole thing has become.
I wouldn't be writing this at all, I actually thought I was done with it when I posted the actual texts. I expected it to go away, especially with the world crisis we are all now living in with COVID. Then last week someone called me and started reading to me the continued hatred being spewed at me online. I had to stop her, it felt like it was crushing my very soul. Yes, I feel anger when I hear it, especially the outright lies. But she is still able to crush my heart, too and she is.
When I was awarded my disability Jeanette had a private talk with the judge and made herself my Payee, told him I would likely spend all of my settlement trying to save her hopeless, heroin addict, sister, Jami. That's what she told me about it. There was likely much more said. I didnt bother to fight it at the time. I was just glad to finally have won my disability case. She never really controlled my money. It went into a special account she had to set up for it. It gave me absolutely No Access to her money, I state that here to refute recent accusations, but it gave her free access to my money.
When I finally had her removed as payee last month I called OPPD and Mutual of Omaha, the only companies who directly withdrew their payments every month and gave them my new banking information. Both companies believed that I had made the calls in time to stop them from going through her account for me. When I checked at the first of the month I found out that one of them Had taken the money from her account. I knew she checked on what she calls the "Hate Site" I started about this mess so i left a post there describing what had happened and that i would give her the money if she needed it or we could just leave it as a repayment for all the money i have given and loaned her over the years. Mostly i just gave her money, like when i paid her rent or she said she needed things for the kids. The Only Time I stressed that money was a loan was one of the last times I paid her Wirt house rent. I told her then that the money I gave her was actually Kira's and that I needed it back as soon as possible.
She's never even acknowledged she took Kira's money.
If I got a print out of that account and the money she has "borrowed" and the money she has paid back it would be very clear Who had been helping Who over these years. Yes, for the last 2 years or so she has almost always replaced money she has used and she has asked before doing it. I by the way have never said No no matter what my situation at that time. Her needs always came first for me. She had Lindsey and all her Facebook friends who don't know me just horrified, advising her how to protect herself from me further ripping her off!! I'm assuming that none of them know that there is no way to access a payee's own money....
The saddest thing was how Jeanette announced this incident. How I had posted "gleefully" about what had happened and was laughing about ripping her off. I can prove that is a lie, it is there for anyone who cares about the truth in one of the few posts I made on the "hate site". Including the offer to Give her the money back!!
I have known for years that Jeanette's "love" for me had a horrible false ring to it. 6 years ago when i heard that she was telling people about how she in her goodness took care of me I confronted her about it once. Anyone who knows both of us knows how false that is and anyone who knows me at all knows that No One takes care of me except maybe Jeremy when I am sick or injured. If nothing else, I have been too much of a control freak to let Anyone Control anything around me. (Something I am currently working on changing as I have to admit to my physical disabilities and illness.) I can no longer scrub and clean like I wish but I still insist on doing the girls and my own laundry because I am so darn picky about how it is done!! Jeremy, Jess, and the girls are starting to take over all the house care but still have to put up with my constant insistence that it is all done MY way. (Sorry guys, working on that too).
But back to when I dared to ask Jeanette why she was telling everyone how she was taking care of me. It was back when Jeremy and I moved into her basement on Grand Ave because she was unemployed and had been indicted for Exotica and I couldn't afford to pay her rent And ours. She didn't give an answer for the question. Instead she unloaded on me for everything she ever felt I had done wrong or neglectfully towards her. I was stunned to say the least, but mostly I was aghast at how much real hatred there was coming through in every word she said. I just stopped and went through a long time of trying to see our relationship through her eyes. We went back to "normal" the next day but I never deluded myself that we were close again.
This was almost a year into her eye surgeries, which, by the way, I was there for every one. I also went through her legal battle over Exotica with her and tried to be supportive in every way i could through it. I did make one big mistake there. I went to every hearing except for what turned out to be the last one. I couldn't make it although i would have managed somehow if i had known that it was her sentencing hearing. I knew that would be the Big one but I thought it was still far off. I missed it. She was alone there when she was sentenced. She told me she would never forgive me for that and I have never forgiven myself either. I didn't know but feel i should have Somehow known. I list that as one of my Top Days that I wish i could do over.
It may have added to her hatred of me but I know it isn't the cause. She had talked about the things her sisters unjustly hate or blame me for and indicated that she felt it was likely their misdirected hatred over the things Oran Skaw did to them when they were all little girls.
I think whatever is going on with her is deeper and more than even that.
One thing that has troubled me since she started losing her sight has been how unbelievably she has dealt with it. Even as I have praised her for her bravery facing it something has always felt Off about it. Like maybe she has Never really dealt with it. She was with John Ways through much of it, so much so that she left her children with me and would go weeks without even seeing them. At the time I remember thinking that if I were going blind I would want to spend every last minute memorizing the faces I loved. Instead, she entered into a bizaar Slave Master relationship with this monster and let him rule her life until they were arrested. It just feels like there could be something there, something I am completely not grasping that went terribly wrong.
That was another thing. She denies this period of time away from her children ever happened even though Jessalynn and Jenise and many others remember it clearly. I was evicted from two homes in a row for having too many children in one house. Jeremy and I were in a fight to save Kira all through it, getting kids to and from school with 3 toddlers and very little money. I did all of our laundry in an apartment sized washer and then was up all night ironing them dry for school the next day many many times. Plus we had state welfare workers in our home 3 days a week conducting the supervised visits between Kira and her parents.
Speaking of that. One of Jeanette's last attacks that I know of on our lives was her criticizing child welfare for not keeping up with my neglect and abuse of Jazz and Kira. She commented how I should be in trouble because they aren't supposed to have contact with their parents. She knows absolutley Nothing about this
With Jessica. Jess never lost her parental rights. The state is very aware of and approves of her contact with her children.
Both of them.
Jami did lose parental rights but because of the states method of "attempted reunification" Kira was kept in contact with both parents beyond an age that they would be forgotten. We've gone through periods of distancing but now it is believed to be healthy that she has the limited relationship with them that she does. Her therapist is completely aware and believes we are all working for Kira's best interest.
WE ARE HIDING NOTHING HERE.
But Jeanette's obvious attempt to break our family with what she doesn't know is now killing any love or care I can have for her. I know that doesn't bother her, it is obviously what she believes she wants. It is only painful to me because I somehow feel betrayed and blindsided. And because I love her children very, very much.
If I got a print out of that account and the money she has "borrowed" and the money she has paid back it would be very clear Who had been helping Who over these years. Yes, for the last 2 years or so she has almost always replaced money she has used and she has asked before doing it. I by the way have never said No no matter what my situation at that time. Her needs always came first for me. She had Lindsey and all her Facebook friends who don't know me just horrified, advising her how to protect herself from me further ripping her off!! I'm assuming that none of them know that there is no way to access a payee's own money....
The saddest thing was how Jeanette announced this incident. How I had posted "gleefully" about what had happened and was laughing about ripping her off. I can prove that is a lie, it is there for anyone who cares about the truth in one of the few posts I made on the "hate site". Including the offer to Give her the money back!!
I have known for years that Jeanette's "love" for me had a horrible false ring to it. 6 years ago when i heard that she was telling people about how she in her goodness took care of me I confronted her about it once. Anyone who knows both of us knows how false that is and anyone who knows me at all knows that No One takes care of me except maybe Jeremy when I am sick or injured. If nothing else, I have been too much of a control freak to let Anyone Control anything around me. (Something I am currently working on changing as I have to admit to my physical disabilities and illness.) I can no longer scrub and clean like I wish but I still insist on doing the girls and my own laundry because I am so darn picky about how it is done!! Jeremy, Jess, and the girls are starting to take over all the house care but still have to put up with my constant insistence that it is all done MY way. (Sorry guys, working on that too).
But back to when I dared to ask Jeanette why she was telling everyone how she was taking care of me. It was back when Jeremy and I moved into her basement on Grand Ave because she was unemployed and had been indicted for Exotica and I couldn't afford to pay her rent And ours. She didn't give an answer for the question. Instead she unloaded on me for everything she ever felt I had done wrong or neglectfully towards her. I was stunned to say the least, but mostly I was aghast at how much real hatred there was coming through in every word she said. I just stopped and went through a long time of trying to see our relationship through her eyes. We went back to "normal" the next day but I never deluded myself that we were close again.
This was almost a year into her eye surgeries, which, by the way, I was there for every one. I also went through her legal battle over Exotica with her and tried to be supportive in every way i could through it. I did make one big mistake there. I went to every hearing except for what turned out to be the last one. I couldn't make it although i would have managed somehow if i had known that it was her sentencing hearing. I knew that would be the Big one but I thought it was still far off. I missed it. She was alone there when she was sentenced. She told me she would never forgive me for that and I have never forgiven myself either. I didn't know but feel i should have Somehow known. I list that as one of my Top Days that I wish i could do over.
It may have added to her hatred of me but I know it isn't the cause. She had talked about the things her sisters unjustly hate or blame me for and indicated that she felt it was likely their misdirected hatred over the things Oran Skaw did to them when they were all little girls.
I think whatever is going on with her is deeper and more than even that.
One thing that has troubled me since she started losing her sight has been how unbelievably she has dealt with it. Even as I have praised her for her bravery facing it something has always felt Off about it. Like maybe she has Never really dealt with it. She was with John Ways through much of it, so much so that she left her children with me and would go weeks without even seeing them. At the time I remember thinking that if I were going blind I would want to spend every last minute memorizing the faces I loved. Instead, she entered into a bizaar Slave Master relationship with this monster and let him rule her life until they were arrested. It just feels like there could be something there, something I am completely not grasping that went terribly wrong.
That was another thing. She denies this period of time away from her children ever happened even though Jessalynn and Jenise and many others remember it clearly. I was evicted from two homes in a row for having too many children in one house. Jeremy and I were in a fight to save Kira all through it, getting kids to and from school with 3 toddlers and very little money. I did all of our laundry in an apartment sized washer and then was up all night ironing them dry for school the next day many many times. Plus we had state welfare workers in our home 3 days a week conducting the supervised visits between Kira and her parents.
Speaking of that. One of Jeanette's last attacks that I know of on our lives was her criticizing child welfare for not keeping up with my neglect and abuse of Jazz and Kira. She commented how I should be in trouble because they aren't supposed to have contact with their parents. She knows absolutley Nothing about this
With Jessica. Jess never lost her parental rights. The state is very aware of and approves of her contact with her children.
Both of them.
Jami did lose parental rights but because of the states method of "attempted reunification" Kira was kept in contact with both parents beyond an age that they would be forgotten. We've gone through periods of distancing but now it is believed to be healthy that she has the limited relationship with them that she does. Her therapist is completely aware and believes we are all working for Kira's best interest.
WE ARE HIDING NOTHING HERE.
But Jeanette's obvious attempt to break our family with what she doesn't know is now killing any love or care I can have for her. I know that doesn't bother her, it is obviously what she believes she wants. It is only painful to me because I somehow feel betrayed and blindsided. And because I love her children very, very much.
Truthfully, the last thing Jeanette did/said that caused me pain was when she posted on Facebook about seeing me at Walmart. I still had this fantasy that if Jeanette actually SAW me in person, saw how ill I am, saw her Mother, that she would remember that I am her mother who loves her. Instead, she wrote how "sickening" it was to see me and hear my nasty voice talking to Jeremy, how I'm obviously on meth and should lose custody of Kira and Jazz.
I not only gave up on her but actively began to hate her in return. I think she is just a nasty, evil creature I am ashamed to have given birth to.
I understand that her children will be raised from here out to hate me. Maybe she will succeed in erasing all of the love I have put into each of them through the years.
I hope and pray that she fails.
I understand that her children will be raised from here out to hate me. Maybe she will succeed in erasing all of the love I have put into each of them through the years.
I hope and pray that she fails.
But she is Very Skilled at Hatred.
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